Most subway stations in Europe, whether central or far away in grey suburbs come fitted, among things like crowds, newspaper stands and coin operated scales, also with a Donner Kebab joint. Just like with car airbags, they appeared long time ago, but if 10 years ago they were present only in districts ripe with immigrant populations now they are a standard feature of the urban landscape.

None are the same as the other. Smaller or bigger, the perfume of french fries cooked in last month’s oil pungent or discreet. Local salesmen or even Arab specialists, depending of which European Capital we are talking.

What’s clear is that the inverted cone of meat with unsaturated fat dripping with crocodile tears at every spin around the red-hot grill and hungry people with the pita bread roll, wrapped in aluminum foil have become part of our lives. I used to have a heater in my student dorm that could have been easily used to improvise a meal worthy of 1001 Arabian nights stories.

I am curious how many Arabs, be they Turks, Syrians, Iranians, Egyptians or any other nationality actually eat at these places. In my opinion, very few. Maybe they did it in the beginning in their neighborhood to attract the local clientele to their business by acting culinary orgasms. I can almost see the exaggerated gestures learned from Cosmopolitan questionnaires on European body language: bulging eyes almost popping out of their sockets, dumb smile and mouth drooling with saliva while slowly and gently undressing the sweet temptation.

Honestly, i don’t see why they should eat shawarma on the street when they have this and better at home. So, how come they are such a great success? Who are their loyal clients? One can easily identify a few characteristics in a few minutes of observing these places:

• executives in their last week before salary
• students in their first week after receiving their allowance
• junior programmers that most likely are also still students
• groups coming from heavy partying that need food to wake up
• bachelors with nothing in their fridge other than maybe a few cans of beer.

I imagine the entrepreneurial genius that identified these people and said: These guys, … they need a donner kebab. What can they want more than this? A hot meal – at least the meat inside, quick service from a conveniently located joint with dubious hygiene and to top it all up service provided by cool guys with almost shaved top of the head and long hair at the back styled with lots of gel for a Greek boy look.

No economic crisis can affect them. I have never heard of a Turkish kebab to go bankrupt. Shawarma has become now a higher class food also. They even increased their prices, because the once highly paid, now looking for a job young executives didn’t know the old prices anyway and are no longer eating in restaurants. If real estate prices continue to drop and clothes shops close down, they will all be replaced by Arab Donner Kebap Shaworma Halal my ‘derriere’ – excuse the french.

The business model is so smart it requires very little marketing and no Corporate Identity Manuals and other similar stuff. You can name your product any way you want. Kebab, kebap, shawarma, shaworma and any other variation and people have no problem with it. The only thing that’s constant is the adjectives describing quantity: small or big.

I could go on and on on the subject, but i had enough and i am sure i managed to bore you too. You see, this was my purpose in writing this post. This way maybe at least for one week you’ll avoid these places and cook something at home.

One onion and a little garlic chopped finely and fried in a little olive oil till they become transparent, some chicken stripes added on top for 7 minutes with some soya sauce and you will figuratively lick your fingers, instead of doing it because mayo is all over them.

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